An Imagination Filled with Violence

Okay, so to start this off I have to say, I know its been awhile and sorry if this totally makes you go. "Um" and run off....but here goes.

I'm not sure if it's normal, (and I totally accept if its not....what can I say I am a bit weird) but I have quite an imagination filled with violence, and if my recent dreams can be considered as proof, my poor pillows can be witnesses. Now I don't like to think of myself as a dark and violent person but sometimes my imagination gives me the impression that if I were to ever let my 'worldly sinful self' take reign I would be just that. The fact that I can easily see it, causes me great worry at times, especially when I'm angry and get this overwhelming urge to just 'let go' at people.

Again I don't know if this is a concern many others see in themselves, and while those at work would agree I can be an 'mean' person (*rolls my eyes* making you work how your suppose to isn't being mean... its my job); others I know can't seem to imagine me being as cruel and violent as my imagination paints me.

Then again many people say that one's imagination, if controlled correctly, will never be reflected in one's reality. It will simply remain a separate part of that person, never inflicting its rules, morals, or actions on its owner. However, I've always felt that if you think of something repeatedly, eventually it will make it into your life. (For example....if you think about brownies...in most cases you will eventually break down and buy some).

Which brings me to my other thought, writers who write the horrid, violent, dark, and messed up stories, do they worry that one day their imagination will overrun their reality and leave them crazed, locked in the darkness...their own mind a cage that traps them? (I know I would hate to be Stephen King if that happened all the time O_o)

I personally have found that outlets help to keep my sanity....such as writing and drawing. However, this leaves me with a gallery of images/writings such as:

Miss Murder & Muse - my poor characters

 


Be Silent

Still your lips, stop your lies
Whilst I avert my eyes

Give me peace you heathen child
No more shall you go wild
Least I stitch each to your soul
Or pour your blood into a bowl

Yet speak one word again to me
And I will stitch you to a tree.

Akira

Dreaming of You

The dreams are frantic
panicked, cruel
Never a moment to rest

Yet somehow when I am next to you
sleep is at its best.

In the darkness I wait to see
your body lying next to me

whether it's cold
and still with death
or warm
and excited with my breath

your prone form I beg to see
lying next, oh next to me
-----


Now granted I don't believe I will ever be able to actually stitch someones lips together, or even sit next to a dead body.....but the fact that my imagination conjures it up as if I was just chatting it up with people makes me pause and reflect a bit.

Okay now that I have fully freaked you all out....let me ask: Is there something in your imagination that gives you worry. Some thought that seems to flow so naturally yet you are appalled it seems to have taken root so easily? Is your imagination ever at odds with your walk with God (I know everyone has something there).

Let me just throw out there:
Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. - Isaiah 55:7

For me, when the writing and drawing isn't enough, I'm blessed to have God be the one that helps 'hold me back' and 'hold my tongue'; though he does allow the occasional fall flat on my face and foot in mouth occurrence, when I don't do as he says. Some of us just have to learn the hard way. *sigh*

Sleepless Nights and Groggy Mornings

So recently I’ve found myself unable to sleep….not that I’m not tired, I just can’t turn my brain off long enough to actually close my eyes and sleep. Now you might be thinking wow, she must be dealing with some interesting, intriguing, life changing issues or topics to keep her mind going at all hours of the day.  Unfortunately, that my friends would be where you are wrong.

Truth is there is nothing in-particular keeping me up….not that I can pinpoint that is. Every morning its something else that grabs my attention and holds my mind prisoner until I literally force myself to lie in bed and force my eyes closed until I eventually fall asleep (which only lasts an hour or so before I awake again another thought barging its way into my gray matter). I do this for several days until my body can no longer take it and I actually pass-out somewhere in my apartment and sleep like the dead for almost 10 hours or more. I know its unhealthy (and it's getting worse), but I just can’t find something to fix this dilemma, and the distractions keep increasing.

For instance, at the beginning it was reading stories or books online. This came around when I finally found the free kindle ap for my ipod as well as several vampire/zombie and all around action based stories to read on the kindle site. I can actually claim I’ve read 6 different stories within 5 to 6 days. When I start its really hard to stop. 

The other thing I’ve found increasing its occupation on my sleep time is online television/movies and etc. Amazon’s Instant movie thing is killing me with a great selection of Foreign Films to rent for cheap that otherwise I would have to buy or watch on some virus infested site. Other sites like Hulu & Crunchyroll also entice me to watch shows online. (okay maybe entice is a strong word but I'm drawn like a moth to a flame LOL).

When those don’t interest me I find myself editing photos and not the photos I should be editing (like recent shoots or photo-trips I take) no I find myself editing old photos that I forgot about or never got around to…like so:

I think these are almost around 1-2  years old. I mean really.....how I even found these on my computer amaze me.

Then there’s drawing, not always on my tablet so I end up sticking it in my side drawer with other doodles. This often coincides  with my writing….be it poetry (which is often really bad) or Role Playing Game stories (which if I ever find another good writing site that’s active….I’ll be addicted to again), or some other story that I’ve started on and have been nursing to completion.  Seriously, I love interactive writing, it’s a serious emotion release. Several of my character ideas come there. Such as these beauties of mine:

Akira & Ciram

Gabriel

Sarayi

Sarayi with love interest Arthur (a friends charrie)

Sarayi & Miecal (modernized)

If I don't occupy myself with these activities I will probably just surf the internet for stuff to watch on youtube, music to find/listen to, or read about interesting topics. After that I may start cleaning or doing laundry, fixing the bed. Etc. I mean seriously who does their casual clothes laundry at 3 a.m.? *raises hand* Sorry neighbors downstairs.

*Face plant* Even as I type I feel exhausted but my mind just won’t shut down. Its frustrating. 

Which leads to my strange quote of the post (I don’t post enough to have a quote of the day or even the month so :P). From a recent story I read one insomniac morning....thus says a vampire story author (and no it wasn’t twilight but might has well been).

“When you dance with the devil, the devil doesn’t change. The devil changes you."

I found the line interesting therefore I share. So, as the sun rises I will now go and force myself to lie in bed hopefully to fall asleep soon. (-_-)

Do you ever have those days, weeks, or months when you are hit with insomnia? 

If so, what do you do to help get to sleep? I would love some really good suggestions. (and no medication isn’t really what I’m looking for) lol

Ciao Ciao

Finding Love….or the Perfect Challenger?

You know often throughout life you hear people say “I want to find love” or “I need to find a man/woman to bring love into my life”. Now I’m not going to say I’ve never said these things but when I got to thinking about it, it doesn’t really make sense. What does finding a man (and for those guys what does finding a woman) have to do with finding love?

So here I sit 1:00 a.m. trying to align my thoughts that just fell down in a jumble instead of letting me sleep like I had planned. Oh well….

<3

So, Love. It’s a feeling given to every person from the time they are born (i.e. created…yes that’s in the womb people), I say this because even if you had a horrible childhood or are suffering now you are still loved by God the eternal father and lover, Romans 8: 38-40 

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Times may be tough but there is love; which brought me to my other thought."

I don’t think I really need to find a man to find love; I mean I have plenty of love right now. Love of my parents, of my brother and sisters, family, friends, and church family. Then again I have the eternal love of God, so why do I look so hard for someone to physically love me? Do I not have enough love already?  Am I really that selfish? Why can’t I be happy with the love I have and in exchange try to change this cold heart of mine and give love? After asking myself this question I wasn’t sure of my answer; it was then that I decided to change my thoughts on the ‘love’ I was looking for. You know the sappy roses and heartfelt confessions.

So, I was looking for a man to love everything about me…to love all my faults and fears…you know take me as I am the good and the bad; to grow old together, however how is that going to help me?  Do I really just want someone to take me like I am now, no questions asked? So then I thought….

Instead of looking for someone to ‘love me’ why don’t I look for someone that makes me want to be better? To me when I look at successful relationships I see something between them like a challenge, a dare….to become better. A wife will want to become a better cook, a husband a better repair man…that sort of thing. That got me thinking, I wonder if the reason when people say their hearts a flutter when they found the ‘one’ is because their inner self recognizes the one person that puts up a challenge?

Now I could be wrong but instead of looking for ‘love’, which is something I already have plenty of. I want to find a man that makes me want to become better. To become less selfish, more caring….someone that drives me to learn to cook, eat healthy, and become a better person in general.

Some say that drive is just the feeling of puppy love and that often after time the desire to impress the other fades away, thus leading to a plateau; but to me this just confirms my ideas. Someone that finds the one they are meant to be with (their perfect challenger) will always have that drive to impress….to challenge. It may not be the same as before but it will be there. 

So I’ve decided I want someone that not only pushes me to reach my potential but also understands my childlike tendencies and joins me in them, who brings me from my shy behavior, and someone who can support/challenge me to become the Godly woman I am to be. That will be the man I decided to Love. ^_^

What about you? What are your thoughts? Do you challenge your partner?

Until next time Ciao Ciao

Jasmine

God is the best TomTom.....of your life.

When you are young and looking to the future you make plans for set goals….and often times those plans include general deadlines. I’ll go to college, graduate, get a good job, get married, and so forth. I remember a friend of mine even laid out her life after high-school by the year. She pinpointed the age she was going to marry, how many kids she was going to have and when, this list went on. It was quite elaborate and entertaining. While my plans were not as specific I did make some general goals hoping to have them completed within a standard timeframe…but they were nothing concrete.

However, without knowing it, I’ve began to set out my own solid timeframe for my plans; giving them deadlines, and elements that need to be done for me to move on to the next step.  While you might think that setting plans to reach goals isn’t a big issue, the one point you need to focus on in my statement is that I called them “my” plans. An important element everyone needs to remember is: in your life where do God’s plans for you fall into place with ‘your plans’? True, I prayed about my goals and felt they were the right direction God was leading me, but it was after that step where I went wrong. Instead of just nodding and letting God lead I began to “plan” taking my focus off God’s plan and instead thinking of what “I” could do to speed it along. (*sigh* oh the humanity : / ……Does anyone recall that story of Abraham and Sarah in the Bible rushing to get a kid, because they thought they were getting too old?). -_-

So here I was thinking, “I need to get on the ball and get better job, find a man, etc….so I can start really living”……Wait……Does that mean I’m not really living now?……*pause* Did I just say I wasn’t even living yet, then what have I been doing for 26 years? Talk about a slap in the face.

So what had I been doing? The answer to that is simple; I was worrying about meeting a certain point….worried that God’s plan was taking too long….worried that there was something I could do to make it work out better/faster (can we say face slam on table). Worry, the demon that constantly pulls me around. Where was my mind, I mean ²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothes? - Matthew 6:25 people!! After 25 I had planned on being in a good paying job, moved out of Alabama and maturing in a den of culture; but ‘my plans’ have derailed that. Just like Abraham and Sarah…’my’ plans are giving me more issues than solutions. (nothing God can’t fix though ;) ).

Now I’m not saying I’ve not been enjoying life, because I have; but what I’ve been missing out on is the full overcompensating joy that comes with God and life. When you let go and let God things just seem to fall into place. (Just like with Abraham and Sarah, I’m sure they didn’t “doubt” God would give them a kid; I mean after all they had been through so far. I guess they just thought it was taking him too long (sound familiar)…I thinking that’s a patience issue. LOL To them they expected one when they were younger when it would fit ‘their plans’…but that was their plan not God’s.)

So the point is that sometimes in life you might have your life-plan all mapped out and here you go trucking along your route reading your map, making turns and avoiding delays, but what you don’t realize is that your ‘own guidance’ has left you on the wrong path, possibly on the back roads rather than the highway; or maybe you’ve drifted lanes and are on a collision course with a semi truck on the other side of the road. (watch out!) Either way you need to take your hands off the map and let your copilot give you directions. You just need to drive and focus on living God’s plan and let Him tell you where to go.

Stop stressing on the plans ‘you’ made and just listen to God. He knows what’s best and will often give you the ride of your life. ;P

So put the map down! God is the TomTom of your life. He will tell you when to turn, which direction to go, show you how to re-route to get back on track no matter how many times you stray (turn right ahead, turn right ahead, turn right ahead….lol), and help you get to your “final destination”…. you just have to listen!

So yeah that’s my thought for the day….amazing the realizations I get when I’m in the shower. How about you? Have you been listening to your GodGod (hehehe….I’ll stop)…or following your own map?

Until later

Jasmine

Creative Combinations and Green Dreams

Okay so what does The Road Warrior, Pocahontas, and The Little Mermaid have in common? 

Scratching your heads on that one? Well, the answer is that they all have themes/settings in relation to my recent trip to Phoenix, Arizona….and no my brother isn’t Mad Max, though he drives like him sometimes ^_~ just kidding. 

So as you can imagine this trip included getting to see my lovely younger siblings (Oh and on a side note, I don’t consider Ale a mere sister-n-law, and calling her just by ‘my brother’s wife’ just feels like I’m not even claiming her in the family, because to me she is just like a sister so why bother with the in-law details – also I mean who doesn’t want a little sister. So I’ll probably just be dropping all that formal stuff and calling her my sis so try not to get confused ;P). Back to what I was saying…this visit included me not only crashing at their lovely (hotel like :P) apartment, but also dragging them off to Las Vegas to corrupt *insert maniacal laughter*….just kidding. But seriously….we did go to Vegas. $_$ 

So once I landed, we took a day to just relax…….does anyone believe that? I mean who am I kidding, this is the young Mr. & Mrs. Vidal! They don’t rest they do. So after a day of meeting a few of Chico and Ale’s small group we took a quick nap and then we were off onto the Vegas Adventure and a weeklong creative journey that will most likely take me months of editing to finally complete. LOL.

So, a quick tid-bit about my trip for you before I head off to bed…For those of you that haven’t seen (or have) my newest album on Facebook called Under the Sea. This was the first of the photo shoots that we did that week, a playful one at that and for several reasons.

One was the fact is that the only camera we had to go underwater was my old point and shoot which we stuck in a underwater case that reminded me of double bagging a sandwich before packing a lunch. LOL. So the quality of the photos was much lower than what we were use to, but then again we were under water! The other reasons for this to be a play shoot were because we didn’t really have any direction for this seeing we’ve never done anything like it before. Not to mention the water wasn’t very deep and I mean it was a pool, so when you look a lot of the time you can see the numbers on the walls, the filters at the bottom, and even the ladders on the side. Also, I had no way of seeing what I was shooting ROFL. No goggles, so I had to guess an angle and just click away hoping to get a good shot in frame. Not to mention the water wasn’t all that warm, which didn’t bother me too much after I got in because I generate a lot of body heat; but Ale and Chico were troopers for putting up with the chills ^_^

So yeah, the bit I wanted to share here was this one outtake that cracked me up. Let’s just say the drowning sailor was refusing the mermaid’s help. ROFL

Trust me there will be plenty more to come but that one just made my day. Also, just wait to see our Native American Themed Shoot :D.

Onto another topic, while I was out there in the desert I realized how much I love and draw inspiration from the greenery around me here in Alabama. Don’t get me wrong the desert has its allure, and ideas abound out there in the rocky areas and sand blasted buildings, but nothing can top the feeling I get during the evening as the sun is setting between the trees; how it coats the leaves in a golden hue. Its just so lush and relaxing. So here’s to my love of green!

<3 :D

But that’s all for now. Is there any type of scenery or setting that just sets your creative juices on fire? If so, share with us. :D

OH....and HAPPY MOTHER's DAY MOM! <3 you :D

Until later, ciao ciao

Jasmine

Family of Animals...

Shiro

Have you ever seen a person and instantly thought of the animal they were like? Or maybe after you get to know someone you begin to associate them with an animal due to a specific trait? If not, then you're most likely more normal than I am. LOL

I do it all the time, seriously, all the time. I'll see a person and instead of remembering their name I'll associate a trait or animal with them and end up remembering that first. I don't know why I do this but I do.Then again, it may have something to do with our odd family tradition. It was one of those traditions, that's not really what I call a "tradition" but I guess you can call it a  'family thing'. The basis of it is that we would claim or assign characters/animals to each other. I can't help but smile remembering all of us (the family) sitting around the TV watching a movie or show and pointing out who's who, or better yet 'claiming' characters. I loved it! It was a serious to do when we were real young-ins. I was always Michelangelo with Ninja Turtles, and I had to be Ducky in the Land Before Time, and the list goes on.

Now over time once I get to know someone their 'assigned animal/character' can change, which could be from how they act, mature, or maybe from what and how I get to know them. Of course, this is highly opinionated and while some people might not think they are what I see them as or even take it negatively (while sometimes it is), they have to realize I just can't help how my mind works (love that excuse right!). LOL

So, what I am going to share with you today.....*drumroll*.....is my current list of family animals. ^_^
Some will be expected I think and others a bit of a surprise, but here goes.

First off....the parentals.
My mom, the crazy cute woman that she is. She changes often, I had first thought she was like a killer whale you know. Cool, calm.....but severely deadly (remember the dreams mom...LOL), but she's changed recently and I keep thinking she's more like a Red Panda. I mean look at that face....I can see my mom's funny expression coming out through that, then again throw in a little menacing look and she could look like an angry red raccoon. lol (I make no sense I know).

 

Next is my dad. Strong 'like a rock' & loyal (and scary when he needs to be). He has always been what I considered a bull character (though recently I want to add something cute to his character too).

Let's see.... lets move onto my siblings. Chico will go first. This one shouldn't be much of a surprise because his has stayed the same most of the time. Cool & Suave, so I gave him the penguin (constant tux). Not to mention he is such a romantic (anyone got a pebble?)

Cute!!

 I'll go ahead and add Ale (sis-n-law) here. She has changed a few times, but the basis has always been the same. Colorful, creative, different....oh and she's always thinking of ideas, what I like to call a 'head in the sky' scenario. Therefore, she is a flamingo, the gorgeous bird full of color and not to mention its so closely named to the flamenco....which hits the dancing aspect she loves. ;P

Finally, my big sis. She is the only one that changes all the time. I've yet to find the one animal that just 'fits'; however, the other day I had this nudge that she reminds me of a French Bulldog or Boston Terrier.....I can't understand why I had that connection, but its there. (also....I added a pointer & lab (for.....she will get that one >_< LOL).

Oh, I guess I should include mine, which never changes and I'm not sure many will agree, but its a cat....a black cat to be specific. My own person, 'do my own thing'.....often perceived incorrectly (well sometimes)....LOL

So, do you ever add animal or character tags to people you know or meet? If so share some!
Until next time. Ciao Ciao

Dog Fashionista

What's this? I'm still alive?What a crazy few weeks it has been, work is definitely kicking my butt. It feels like weeks since I've actually sat in front of the TV and watched anything but infomercials. Seriously, I could probably create one in my sleep these days. hahaha

So you guys know I have a lovely sidekick named Lola, who has to put up with my constant photo mania, and she’s a good sport most days. Like so ---->

Recently however, I’ve had this desire to amplify her cuteness. How you may ask? Well, through cute collars & other fashions, though if she had longer hair I kid you not she would be getting a crazy cool haircut/color. Now before you start rolling your eyes and thinking I’m about to turn my dog into one of those prissy Hollywood hounds with bejeweled tanks and hot pink tutus think again. (Not that it doesn’t tempt me). 

What I’ve found for my darling boo monster, is this:

From BowWowCouture on etsy

Isn't this collar is downright adorable. I figure this is just about the only thing I might get her to wear. Now if she would let me I would love to put her in something like this:

RoverDog on Etsy

or maybe

RoverDog on Etsy

*flails* so darn cute! Too bad winter is about over. Oh, but you can gurantee if she was a guy I'd put her in this (of course I still might just because its so cute):

RoverDog on Etsy

I just can't see putting her in a dress or skirt. She's just not a prissy dog. I've seen cute tanks that she might wear but I just don't understand putting clothes on a dog during the warm weather. Just seems wrong....but during the winter/fall....a sweatshirt...definitely

PB&J's world on Etsy

*sigh* just so cute. Of course, I'm completely cheap when it comes to dog clothes too, because I feel I can make them just as well. Though I need my sewing machine for that, and its still at the parentals place, but you can gurantee just as I made Ciram a kimono like so:

Not the best but good 1st try*

I can surely make Lola some cute outfits. :D
 

Now for all you pet owners. What kind of fashion do you give or don't give your precious four legged friends? Do you do the frill, casual, or all natural?